A Woman's Tale: From Life to Death and Back Again
by cacorn158
Summary: Set 24 years into the future, Rick and Kate's son, RJ, a student and budding journalist wants to interview his mother for a story, the life story of NYPD Captain Katherine Beckett.
1. Chapter 1

**Here's the first chapter of my new story. This is set 24 years into the future. I hope you enjoy reading it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from the show; they belong to the genius that is Andrew Marlowe & ABC.**

Chapter 1

Kate was nearly home and she was tired. It hadn't been a particularly taxing day in fact she'd spent most of it cooped up in her office dealing with the never-ending piles of paperwork, occasionally interrupted by phone calls; nonetheless she was tired. It had been happening more and more over recent weeks and she'd finally accepted that Castle had been right. It was time.

They'd argued about it for months but eventually she'd relented and had reluctantly handed in her request for retirement. She now had only one more week and then in was over. Thirty four years as a member of the NYPD was quite an achievement, most people tended to finish after they reached their twenty year point but Kate loved her job; it had driven her; it had defined her. But now was the right time to go and her body seemed to be in complete agreement. Ever since she'd handed in the letter, she'd been tired. Fatigue had finally caught up with her; she'd given it a good run but enough was enough.

She let herself into the loft, dropped her keys on to the table, hung her coat in the closet and headed to the office to put her badge and gun in the safe.

"Hi, mom!"

Kate almost had heart failure on the spot. Somehow, in her distracted state, she'd managed to completely miss seeing her daughter working at the dining table, books everywhere.

"Beth, what are you doing home? I thought you were studying with Patrick this evening."

The teenager grinned as she replied,

"Yeah, I was going to but his parents are dragging him out for dinner somewhere, so I'm left to get on with it by myself."

She couldn't help but tease her mother a little by adding,

"Probably just as well, anyway, I'll get far more work done without Patrick as a distraction."

Kate just laughed, though, as she studied her younger child. Elizabeth Johanna Castle was eighteen years old and widely acknowledged by all to be the spitting image of the teenager Kate herself had once been, except for her eyes. Her eyes were all her father's and right now, they had that trademark Castle twinkle in them.

"There are some things I prefer not to know about, thank you very much!"

After finally putting her things away, Kate returned to the kitchen,

"Do you want something to eat now or shall we wait for your dad? He guessed he'd be home about eight. We can always order in; can't say I much feel like cooking."

Beth nodded,

"That's fine, mom. I should have this done by then."

Just as Kate was about to settle on the couch, Beth suddenly spoke again,

"By the way, RJ's upstairs. Said he wanted to talk to you when you got in."

That took Kate by surprise,

"What on earth's he doing here? Oh, God, what's he done now?"

Ryan James Castle, her twenty two year old son, was at Columbia and, whereas Beth was just like her mother, not only in looks but also in character, RJ was his father's son in every aspect (again excepting his eyes; he had his mother's eyes.) As a consequence, he did have a penchant for getting himself into trouble but usually managed to talk his way out of serious repercussions. If he was here during the week, Kate immediately assumed the worst. Beth, though, was quick to reassure her,

"I don't think there's a problem, mom, don't panic. He was down here but he was being his usual, exuberant self and I sent him off upstairs so I could actually get some work done without him in my ear all the time."

Although Beth was the younger of the siblings, it always amused Kate how she had her brother wrapped around her little finger. It had always been that way. RJ had adored his little sister from the day she was born, willing to do anything for her and she had never been afraid to use that adoration fully to her advantage. Some young men might have rebelled by now but not RJ; he was just as in thrall to his sister as he'd ever been.

Kate headed up the stairs to her son's room. The door was ajar so she took a moment to watch the young man while he was still unaware of her presence. Although she would never admit it to anyone, RJ would always be particularly special to her. She had taken so long to finally admit her feelings for Castle that she had come to doubt that they would ever have a family of their own. They had Alexis, who she always treated as her own daughter but by the time they were actually together, she had worried that just too much water had flowed under that particular bridge; so when she discovered that she was actually pregnant, they were both ecstatic. When the nurse placed her son into her arms, she knew that he would always be the most precious thing in her life and here she was, twenty two years later and that feeling hadn't changed.

"Mom, quit the creepy staring, will you!"

So much for him being unaware of her presence! There again, she always knew when her husband was staring at her even when she couldn't actually see him so it should come as no surprise that their son would have the same ability.

"Sorry. Beth said you wanted to talk to me. What've you done now?"

RJ laughed. He was used to his mother's suspicious nature and loved to tease her,

"Well, I er –"

Kate frowned but it took her all of two seconds to realise he was only joking and she was grinning when she said,

"Come on, RJ, what's going on?"

He cleared some clothes off the chair and offered her a seat while he sat, with his feet curled under him, on the bed. He cleared his throat and suddenly seemed a little nervous.

"Actually, I just wanted to ask you something."

Kate was instantly concerned again,

"You come home on a week night, which you never usually do, bury yourself in your room, which you also rarely do –"

"To be fair, that was just because Beth was getting stroppy with me!"

"Okay. Now you say you just want to ask me something. There is such a thing as a cell phone, you know. That's what people normally use to ask people questions when they're not actually in the same place."

"I know but I needed to ask you in person because it's kind of important."

Kate was getting rather impatient,

"Just get on with it and quit stalling."

RJ took a deep breath and began to talk,

"You know how I really want to become a journalist after college?"

Kate nodded; that was nothing new. Her son had inherited his father's ability with words together with her determination to search for the truth so it was no real surprise when he had told them that he wanted a career as a journalist.

"Well, I'd really like to go ahead and prove what I can do. I intend to go through the college route and head to Columbia's Graduate School of Journalism next year but in the mean time, I've got an idea for an article I'd like to write just to show what I'm capable of producing."

"So why do you need to ask me?"

Kate was still confused.

"The article I want to write, well, it's about you," he said quickly, totally unsure of his mother's reaction.

"Me? Why me? I'm just a cop; you're hardly likely to win a Pulitzer writing about your mother!"

RJ laughed,

"To say you're _just a cop_, is like saying the Pope is _just a priest_. Come off it, mom. Even the stuff I know about your life is special and I'm certain there's a lot more you've never told me. Youngest woman to make detective, longest serving woman in NYPD, captain of the 12th for 10 years and most of that whilst spending half your time at social events because you also happen to be the wife of a highly successful author. Mom, that's stuff's like gold dust and that's before we even get to the story of your mom and former Senator Bracken."

Kate, who'd been quite happy to listen to her son's argument, flinched as soon as he mentioned Bracken.

"Listen, Ryan, I get that you could probably write an interesting article but I'm not sure that I'm ready to have it all out there like that."

"Mom, let me interview you, pretend it's a real interview with a journalist. Answer the questions you want to answer and ignore the rest, that'll be fine by me."

As she thought about what her son was suggesting, Kate suddenly had a moment of clarity. Throughout most of her younger years, she'd tried to keep out of the limelight, under the radar but then she'd fallen in love with Richard Castle and any chance of that flew out of the window. Much though he'd made every effort to keep their private lives private, it had proved well nigh impossible. They had managed to prevent too much interference with her job but other than that, she had been squarely in the spotlight for many years. Maybe now would be a good time for an article like this to be written and who would she trust to write it more than her son? No-one. The facts about her mom's murder and the involvement of former New York Senator, William H. Bracken were a matter of public record ever since the somewhat poetic justice of his eventual demise, therefore that was not a problem. If the article was written now, it might just be possible for them to head quietly into their retirement and out of the public gaze.

"Okay. I'll do it but be aware, there are still some things that will never be told and if I tell you something off the record, I trust you will respect that."

Kate had spoken rather more sharply than she'd intended and RJ was a little taken aback, initially by the fact that his mother had actually agreed to his proposal but then also by the cold tone of her voice.

"I'm sorry. That came out harsher than I intended. For a brief moment, I was talking to every other journalist I've ever had dealings with. I'm used to making my feelings very clear at the outset of interviews; it saves misunderstandings later."

She smiled as she continued,

"I trust you completely and I know you'll do a great job. I just hope someone finds it interesting enough to make your effort worthwhile."

"Don't worry, there's no doubt about that. Now are we having dinner or must I head back to college to get some decent food?"

Kate managed to clip her son on the shoulder as he tried to dive past her and head downstairs,

"Watch it! We were planning to wait for your dad to get home and then order in but it's up to you whether you want to wait or not."

RJ thought about it for a second before he said,

"Delicious take out at home or whatever leftovers I can find at college? Mmm? Okay, you've got me, I'll stay."

Later that evening, after RJ had returned to college and Beth had headed to her room to concentrate on her latest book, Kate and her husband were snuggled together on the couch watching the end of a movie.

"Did RJ ask you about the article?" Rick asked.

Kate raised her head a little to look at him,

"You knew about that?"

"Yeah, he asked me a few days ago what I thought about the idea and if I thought you'd go for it."

"And what did you say, oh so wise one?" Kate asked, her mouth beginning to curl into a grin.

"If you must know, I said he'd better ask you but I just had a feeling that you'd agree to do it. Did you?"

Kate lifted her hand to his face as she replied,

"You know me too well. Of course I said yes. You didn't really think I'd say no to our son, did you?"

Rick laughed,

"No, you never have been able to resist his charms. Mind you, he's just like his old man and you could never resist my charms either," as he turned to kiss her palm as it rested on his cheek.

"Oh, if I remember correctly, I resisted your charms for a long time."

"Too long," he replied, wistfully.

"Maybe," she agreed, softly, "But we got there in the end. Come on, let's go to bed."

She gave him a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth, stood and held out her hand. He took it and allowed her to pull him to his feet. They walked hand in hand into the bedroom and closed the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much to those who reviewed, followed and favorited this story. Here's the next chapter.**

**I'll try to make it clear how I've set this out. The recorded interview is in italics and within that any comments/questions from RJ are in speech marks. Anything in normal type is not part of the interview. I hope this becomes clear as it goes on!**

Chapter 2

That weekend Kate found herself unusually nervous. It was Saturday morning and she was waiting for her son to arrive. Since when had she been nervous about seeing her son? Since she'd agreed that he could write an article about her life. She'd always been a very private person and here she was about to expose herself to public scrutiny; at least she would if RJ's article was published and she had a feeling that would be the case. He was a damned good writer and had already made some very useful contacts in the business even though he didn't expect to work fulltime until he'd finished his studies.

Beth had already left saying she was meeting up with some of her girlfriends and they were planning a day of retail therapy as an antidote to the endless hours of exam preparation which was currently taking up so much of their time.

Rick, meanwhile, was in his office putting the finishing touches to the final book of his Black Pawn contract. The publishers had made a great deal of money from Castle's books over the last forty odd years and had agreed to continue to publish any more books he might write but he would no longer be under contract to produce by a certain time or at all, come to that. This arrangement meant that if he found inspiration for a story, he could write it but if not, then he was no longer under any obligation which as far as he was concerned sounded like the perfect retirement.

As Kate was on the third rearrangement of one of the kitchen cupboards, something she had a tendency to do when she was nervous and that always led to arguments later because no-one else could ever find anything, RJ came bursting through the door with his usual exuberance,

"Hi, Mom! Any breakfast left?

"No, but I can whip up some pancakes if you want?"

Kate considered that would be a good way to put the interview off for a bit longer. She was being ridiculous and she knew it. This article was going to be written and she was going to give her son all the information he needed just maybe not for a few more minutes.

"That'd be great. Thanks, mom, you're the best!" as he gave Kate a sloppy kiss on the cheek whilst skilfully avoiding the towel she flicked at him.

"Do you want to start while you're cooking or shall we wait?"

Oh, maybe they delaying tactics weren't going to work after all,

"No, it's probably better to wait until you've eaten then we can concentrate on what we're doing."

Thirty minutes later the pancakes had been made and duly devoured, the dishes had been cleared up and Kate had no more excuses,

"Ok, let's get on with it, then."

They went to the couch and seated themselves at opposite ends but turned to face each other. RJ took out his recording device and began.

"_This is James Parish interviewing NYPD Captain Kate Beckett."_

"Wait, what?" Kate interrupted, "Who the hell is James Parish?"

RJ laughed,

"Oops, I forgot to tell you that one. I'm not planning on using my own name when I write the article, in fact I probably won't use it when I'm actually a journalist."

Kate waited for him to elaborate but had an idea where he was going with this.

"I want to make it on my own, for people to appreciate my own ability. I don't want anybody to be able to say I only made it because I'm Richard Castle's son. I don't want to wonder if that's the only reason. Don't get me wrong, mum, I'm not ashamed of my name but I don't want to get on because of it. You do understand, don't you?"

Kate smiled at him and patted his knee,

"Of course I understand. Have you spoken to your dad about it?"

"Yeah, dad was okay with it."

"And so am I. I'm just curious though, James Parish?"

" Well, I considered James Ryan but that seemed too close to my own name and I figured I don't exactly look like a Javier or an Esposito !" a point which had Kate struggling to contain her giggles,

"So I thought James Parish and I knew Auntie Lanie would appreciate it."

"Oh, that she will, RJ, that she most certainly will. Sorry, though, I think I might have sidetracked us."

"Yeah, anyone would think you didn't want to do this," RJ said with his trademark grin, having seen right through his mother's delaying tactics from the moment he arrived at the loft.

Kate knew when to give in gracefully, though,

"No, it's okay. Let's get on with it."

"_Captain Beckett, let's start with your early years, I believe you were born right here in Manhattan, is that correct?"_

Kate found it hard to adjust to her son's formal interview style but completely understood the purpose behind it. It was quite likely that anyone to whom he submitted the finished article, whether it be at college or to a newspaper or magazine, would want to listen to his interviews and read all his notes and it wouldn't serve his wish for a certain amount of anonymity if he called her 'mom' throughout.

_Yes, I was. I was born on 17__th__ November 1979 to James and Johanna Beckett. I had a wonderful childhood. Although my parents were both lawyers and, as such, were very busy with their work, they always seemed to have plenty of time for me. I remember one occasion, I'd be about nine and I'd had my tonsils out; I was so miserable but my mom took time off work and we cuddled up on the couch and watched episodes of Temptation Lane. It was a soap opera that ran for what, about forty years, I think. It was pretty mindless entertainment but we had fun, just the two of us in our own little world and it took my mind off my missing tonsils. It's funny how things turn out because years later, when I was in Homicide, I worked a case on the set of Temptation Lane and actually got to meet some of those same actors I'd watched all those years earlier. At the end of the case Castle, it was during the time he was shadowing me, well by then he was effectively working as my partner, gave me a present, a signed cast photograph. I don't know how he got hold of it but it was just one of those really sweet things he did for me, still does in fact._

_So I had a great childhood but when I went to high school it didn't take long for me to enter my 'wild child' phase. During my teenage years I think I probably scared the hell out of my parents; well out of my dad, anyway; my mom was always ready to let me make my own mistakes, within reason of course, but would then be very quick to say 'I told you so' when things went pear-shaped as they very often did. I think that was probably her favourite expression._

"_What sort of things did you get up to? Anything you're prepared to share?"_

_Not really. I think I would probably prefer to keep my reputation reasonably well intact! I had a bit of a reputation with the boys; let's just say I dated, a lot, and leave it at that! My dad did threaten to send me to a nunnery at one point! Oh, and I bought myself a motorcycle, a '94 Harley Softail. I worked a lot of jobs in my spare time to earn the money to get that. I guess I also went through a Goth phase; got myself a tattoo during that period. In spite of all that, though, I was a pretty good student. Got decent grades throughout and was accepted to do pre-law at Stanford._

_With two lawyers as parents, I'd always wanted to become a lawyer; in fact, from the moment I knew what it was all about, I wanted to become the first female Chief Justice; lofty ambitions indeed. But things didn't work out that way. I transferred from Stanford to NYU where I studied Russian, economics and a variety of other things. After I graduated, I headed straight to the Police Academy._

"_If it's alright with you, we'll get to the reasons for your sudden change of direction a little later and talk more about your career in the NYPD but would you like to take a break for a while?"_

_Okay, thanks._

"That's great so far, mom. I didn't really expect you'd detail your 'wild child' days. From what I gather, even dad doesn't know much about that."

Kate was a little taken aback by that comment.

"Just how much have you been talking to your dad about all this?"

RJ just grinned,

"Well I might have gathered some background information here and there from various sources including Dad."

Kate put her head in her hands and groaned,

"You've been talking to grandad as well, haven't you?"

"He may have given me a story or two but," he added quickly, having seen the expression on his mother's face, "I won't use anything you don't approve. Okay?"

"Mmm, okay then, I guess," she said rather reluctantly, "Anyway, as we're having a break, do you want something to eat?"

"Have you ever known me turn down the offer of food?"

"Oh you are your father's son, aren't you," Kate laughed as she headed into the kitchen to make some sandwiches for them.


	3. Chapter 3

**I can't quite believe how many of you are following this! Thank you all so much.**

Chapter 3

After they'd eaten, Kate and RJ returned to the couch to continue the interview.

"_So after your graduation you went through the Police Academy, what happened after that? How did your career with NYPD progress?"_

_After the academy I was assigned to the 12__th__ Precinct. I guess it's quite unusual but I've actually spent my whole career working out of that building. I was partnered with my training officer, Mike Royce. He was great. I know it's not uncommon for rookies to have problems with their training officers but Royce and I seemed to hit it off right away. At the academy all they really taught us was how to do the paperwork, dot the i's and cross the t's but Mike Royce taught me how to be a cop. He was the only one I trusted enough at that time to tell about my mom; he was dry land to the drowning woman I was right then; he gave me the strength I needed to deal with the job. At first I was in awe of him and then later I thought I was in love with him but in truth it was just youthful infatuation. In the end, I moved up and he retired after he'd served his twenty._

_We lost contact but years later we met up again. He was working as a bounty hunter by then and the guy he was after just happened to be a person of interest in a case I was working. We both caught him at the same time but later in that case he betrayed me. It turned out he was just after the buried treasure. Yeah, we were on a treasure hunt during that case – found it in the end, too. But I had to arrest Royce and because of that incident he lost his licence. He made a fresh start out in LA but ended up dead in an alley back in New York. That was one of the few times I've really gone against orders (okay so that's probably a lie if I think about it, I guess I've broken the rules quite a lot over the years) and I'm not quite sure how many times I did it to find Royce's killer but I caught the guy out in LA which was not exactly within my jurisdiction, and even managed not to put a bullet in his brain, although the temptation was certainly there._

_Royce had a letter on him when he died, a letter addressed to me. In it he asked for my forgiveness and I gave it to him. I know he was already dead but I forgave him; I think my actions at the time proved that._

"_Apart from Mike Royce was there anyone else who helped you become the cop we all know today?"_

_Oh yes. Captain Roy Montgomery. He was my mentor, no doubt about that. He helped me so much early in my career; put me onto the path that I've tried to follow to this day. Yet the first time we met, well let's just say, if he'd wanted to, he could have ended my career before I'd really even got going! I was still in uniform but I spent as much time as I could down in records pouring over the files on my mom's case, trying to find that one thing, one clue that everyone else had missed. Stupid, I know. The fact was, I wasn't even authorised to be down there and one day Roy Montgomery caught me. He could have given me a formal reprimand there and then but he didn't. He asked me what I was doing and after I'd told him he simply accepted it and walked away. I think from that moment on he kept an eye out for me and did all he could to help my career along._

_It was his suggestion that I tried for my detective's shield even though I was really far too young and thanks to his guidance that I actually managed to get it. I believe I became the youngest woman to earn that gold shield at the time although I didn't find that fact out until years later. In the end, I owed him my life because he was killed protecting me. Almost everything I have today is in no small part due to Roy Montgomery._

Kate sighed and wiped away a tear that had escaped down her cheek. It had been a very long time since Roy Montgomery had died but even after all these years, she had no intention of revealing the truth behind his death. She would take that truth to her grave as would the only other three people who knew the full story, her husband and her two best friends and colleagues, Kevin Ryan and Javier Esposito.

"You okay, mom?" RJ asked, well aware of how reliving this part of her story would always cause great sorrow. He reached out and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. As Kate took his hand in hers she quietly replied,

"Yeah, I'm fine."

She then paused for a moment and took a deep breath as she prepared herself mentally for what she was about to say,

"I think we should cover your Grandma Johanna's story before we go any further."

RJ was taken aback by her statement. He knew that part of his mother's life would have to be covered at some point but had always anticipated that he would have to gradually build up to it and would even have to cajole the information out of her. To find her willing to approach the subject so early was a surprise to say the least. When he'd spoken to his dad about this idea, he'd asked him how best to go about the subject of Johanna Beckett and his advice had been to play it by ear and allow Kate to lead the conversation. It would appear that the time was now right but he needed to be certain,

"Are you sure, mom? We can do it later if you'd prefer."

"No, we'll do it now because otherwise I'll be forever tiptoeing around the subject. I've already done that a couple of times. I've mentioned it without detail or context. It's so much a part of my story that I can't just ignore it. If we get the whole thing out there now everything else will fall into place that much easier. Let's just do it, okay?"

RJ closed his eyes for a moment and prepared himself for the part of the interview that he'd always known would be the most difficult.

"_You mentioned your mother's case, could you tell me more about that and how it has impacted upon your life?"_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_As I've already said, my mother was a lawyer, a civil rights lawyer and a damned good one, too. She was passionate about it; it drove her and to a great extent it made her the person she was._

_On 9__th__ January 1999, the day before I was due to head back to Stanford after the Christmas break, we'd arranged to have a family meal. Mom was working but she planned to meet dad and me at the restaurant. We got there early and waited for her to arrive only she was late. The longer we waited, the angrier I became; it was my last night at home, our last family meal and she was putting her work first. Dad and I ordered our food and ate it pretty much in silence; he never did know how deal with my surly teenage self. We finished and there was still no sign of mom. I could tell dad was worried but I was far too self-centred at that age to take much notice of his concern. We headed home and then my world fell apart._

_There was a police officer waiting for us, a detective, Detective John Raglan. He told us that my mom was dead. She'd been stabbed and left in an alley in a seemingly random attack. He asked us all the usual questions and took off as quickly as he possibly could, leaving dad and I alone, stunned; there are just too many words I could use to describe our feelings right then. My mom was gone and all my last thoughts of her had been in anger. I'd thought she had put her work before me and all the time she'd been lying dead in some alley so as well as being totally devastated I also had to deal with a massive feeling of guilt._

_Dad and I made it through to the funeral relatively unscathed. After the service and the burial we even left the funeral party and headed out to Coney Island where we wandered for miles up and down the shore, reliving all the wonderful memories we had of mom. It was later that everything began to disintegrate._

_Naturally I hadn't gone back to Stanford before the funeral but as things turned out I never returned. My dad hit the bottle. As normally happens, it started out with him staying too long at a bar and drinking a bit too much once or twice. Then it progressed to becoming a regular occurrence and I was the one called out in the early hours of the morning because he'd passed out. As the local bartenders began to realise what was happening and started to refuse to serve him, he began to stay home and drink himself into oblivion on his own. When it got to the stage that I had to call an ambulance for him because he'd drunk himself into a coma, he promised right there in the hospital when he finally came round, that he'd give up._

_He'd stay sober for a few months then something would set him off and he'd be back to square one again. This continued for over five years until finally he stopped for good and I got my dad back. I'd lost my mom and for those five years it felt as though I'd virtually lost my dad as well. It's amazing to think now that I had doubted that he would ever live beyond his mid-fifties and yet, here he is, over thirty years later and he's as healthy as he's ever been in his life._

"Mom, are sure Grandpa's going to be okay with all that coming out?" RJ asked because he'd become quite alarmed by the amount of information his mother was actually giving.

"Don't worry about it. I spoke to him last night and he wants me to tell the whole story. He's long since accepted what happened to him and wants to put it all out there in case it can offer some sort of help and hope to anyone who may be suffering like he did, anyone suffering that crippling sense of loss."

Kate was so proud of the way her father had eventually overcome his addiction, she hoped that some of that pride would also be evident in her son's article.

"Shall we carry on?"

_As I said before, I never returned to Stanford but later transferred to NYU. All thoughts of becoming a lawyer were gone, now all I wanted to do was to become a cop because I was just naive enough to believe that, although no-one had been caught and charged over my mom's death, I would be the one to solve the case and bring the killer to justice and until I could do that, I would satisfy myself by bringing justice to other families. I suppose it could be said that I started out on a crusade of sorts and I guess, to a certain extent, that crusade for justice has always been a driving force throughout my career._

_Her murder was finally put down to random gang violence; she'd simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time. The case went cold and the files were buried away in the depths of the records room. The time I spent pouring over those files took their toll on me and I finally had to accept that I needed help to move forward with my life and escape from the rabbit hole I'd fallen into. It took a while and no small amount of therapy but eventually I managed to put it behind me or so I thought. Then Richard Castle appeared on the scene._

_It took him all of about five minutes in my company to realise that there was a story behind my well established facade and, oh boy, did he get close to the truth at the very first attempt. He wanted to know why I was a cop and not a lawyer or some similar profession and figured it was because something had happened in my past, not to me but to someone I cared about, that I'd lost someone close to me. As I said, it was a pretty good initial attempt._

_During the first few months we worked together he managed to get the whole story from me; he always did have that ability to draw more information from me than I would ever normally disclose to anyone. Sadly, curiosity got the better of him, not for the only time I might add, and he pushed too far. He managed to persuade Esposito to get my mom's file so that he could see if there was anything he could do to help. I only found that it was Espo who gave him the file many years later but, although I would probably have killed him at the time had I known, by the time I did find out, I was grateful for his intervention._

_Anyway Castle showed the file to a friend of his who was able to establish that the ME at the time had done a less than stellar job with the autopsy and that my mom had actually been killed outright by the first stab wound, one executed with expert precision, and that the remaining wounds were merely a smokescreen, intended to simulate a random stabbing. My mom had in fact been the victim of a cold blooded, expert killer._

_However, I wasn't prepared to go back down the rabbit hole and instead I threw Castle out of my life but, as you will be very well aware, he didn't stay away for long. It was less than a year before the case reared its head again. This time it was no-one's fault; I didn't go searching for it; it just fell into my lap during a regular murder investigation._

_I'd met ME Lanie Parish very early in my career and we'd become firm friends. I'd shown her my mom's file just to see if she could spot anything that might have been missed but she hadn't at that time. However, when the body of Jack Coonan ended up on her autopsy table, she recognised the pattern of stab wounds immediately and called in an expert to confirm her findings. That expert was Castle's friend who agreed with Lanie's conclusion that Coonan had indeed been killed by the same person who had murdered my mother. That person turned out to be Jack Coonan's brother._

_Dick Coonan was a killer for hire and a renowned expert in his field but before I had a chance to interrogate him about who he was working for when he killed my mom, I had to put a bullet in him. There was a stand-off at the precinct and he was about to shoot Castle and at that range he'd have killed him for sure. I had no choice. I tried to keep him alive on that precinct floor, hands covered in his blood but all to no avail. He was dead and any chance I had to find out who had ordered the hit on my mother had died with him. It looked like the end of the road but twelve months later, the whole conspiracy began to unravel and I started finally to be able to put the pieces together._

"Do you want a break, mom?"

RJ had noticed that Kate's voice had become much quieter the further she got into the story and he was worried that recalling these events, even though they had happened so long ago now, was taking its toll. But Kate was actually on a roll and was not ready to stop,

"No, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Maybe I am still emotional about the whole thing but I want to get through it. Then perhaps we can get to the fun stuff," she added with a grin,

"I have had plenty of fun in my life as well, you know."

RJ laughed,

"Yeah, I know and why do I think dad might have a lot to do with that?"

"Ah, you know us too well, son, you know us too well. Come on, let me get back to it before I change my mind."


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm completely taken aback by the response to this story. Thank you so much.**

**Here's the next instalment as Kate continues to talk about her mother's murder. Please be warned that there are some slight spoilers for S5 in this chapter.**

Chapter 5

_I think the best way to tell the story from here is to try to explain the conspiracy rather than how we uncovered it. The catalyst occurred seven years before my mom's death. A group of cops had decided to take the law into their own hands. They began kidnapping mobsters and holding them for ransom, big ransoms. They must have earned themselves a small fortune but it all began to fall apart for them when they attempted to kidnap Joe Pulgatti, a well-known mob enforcer. An undercover Fed by the name of Bob Arman was with Pulgatti and tried to stop the attack but ended up on the wrong side of a gun. He was killed outright. Pulgatti was arrested and actually confessed to Arman's murder but later he wrote to every lawyer he could find but only one was prepared to look beyond his history and take a look at his case, Johanna Beckett. As soon as she'd agreed to help, though, she was killed._

_Two of the cops involved were John Raglan, yes the very same John Raglan who'd showed up on our doorstep and told us my mom was dead, and Gary McAllister. Sadly for them, after Arman's death, their operation came to the attention of someone much higher up the chain of command but rather than turn them in, this person, nicknamed The Dragon by McAllister, basically took over all the proceeds from the kidnappings and used that money to finance his political ascent._

_When my mom began digging, The Dragon hired Coonan to kill her and three of her colleagues, cutting the investigation off before it even really began. When I killed Coonan, it appeared that I began to draw attention to myself and it wasn't long before I became the next target as The Dragon began the clean up. He hired a new hit man who went by the name of Hal Lockwood. Lockwood shot Raglan right in front of Castle and myself and then, after he'd been locked up, he shanked McAllister but proceeded to use his subsequent court appearance to escape. Then it was evidently my turn. He lured me to a hanger but he had not allowed for the presence of Roy Montgomery who saved my life that night. There was a shootout which left all of Lockwood's men dead together with Lockwood himself and, sadly, Captain Montgomery but had it not been for his heroic actions that night, I would certainly have been on that hanger floor in his place; and there were many times in the next few months that I wished that had been the case._

_At the Captain's funeral, I was shot by a sniper while giving my eulogy. The bullet hit me in the chest and it was only thanks to the actions of Lanie Parish and the paramedics that I even made it as far as the hospital. My heart stopped more than once in the ambulance and again on the operating table but somehow I survived and then spent the next year waiting for them to try again. _

_Although I survived the bullet, it took me a long time to get over the shooting. Once I was discharged from the hospital, I hid myself away for three months in my dad's cabin only emerging for medical appointments. I pushed everyone away except for my dad and I only allowed him in because I had no choice; I closed myself off; shut myself away. I thought that was the best way to heal, to regain my strength, mental strength, that is. I was wrong, oh God, was I wrong._

_I needed help and what I needed most were people who cared about me but it took me a year of therapy to recover from my PTSD. I hated that phase and was determined that it didn't apply to me but once I acknowledged it, once I faced my weakness, used it and turned it into a strength, that was when I was able to turn the corner and without the words and encouragement of my friend and colleague, Javier Esposito, it would have taken me so much longer._

_But enough about that, I'll get back to the important part._

_What I didn't know at the time was that I apparently had a mysterious benefactor. Someone, somewhere had, over the years, been compiling a file of evidence against The Dragon and was now using this information as leverage to keep me alive as long as I refrained from looking into the case. This mystery man had contacted Castle, told him of the deal and that his job was to keep me away from it. _

_Another year passed before I finally discovered the name of The Dragon. After I'd very nearly lost my life yet again at the hands of the man I'd come to consider 'my' sniper and had almost ruined my relationship with my best friend, I came to my senses and accepted what was most important in my life and it wasn't finding the person responsible for my mom's death. I was ready to move forward but found myself unable to do so because however much I wanted to leave it alone, the case would not leave me alone._

_The Dragon was going after the file of evidence and once he had that, I was no longer protected. We made every effort to find the file but the final copy was blown to pieces together with my sniper, Cole Maddox (yet another alias). However we did manage to put together enough of the charred remains to find the number of the bank account in which all the kidnapping proceeds ended up and that number led us to The Dragon, New York Senator William H. Bracken._

_I had a name now but absolutely no evidence I could use so I did the only thing left to me, I called his bluff. I confronted him and told him that I had a copy of the file, quoting the account number seemed to verify my claim. Basically all I could do for the time being was claim my life back and seek protection for myself and my loved ones so I made him a deal, my silence for my safety. Fortunately he bought my bluff, understandable really, I've always been a good poker player!_

_Months later he became the target for an assassination attempt and it became my job to protect the arrogant bastard (sorry!). I was so conflicted. A very large part of me wanted to just let it happen but eventually I did what was right. I'm a cop, my job is to protect and serve so I did just that and threw myself in harm's way to save his sorry ass._

_Eventually, though, it seems that the mob had a very long memory. Information must have been leaked to them about the person responsible all those years ago for the kidnappings and Senator Bracken's body was washed up on the shore not all that far from Castle's place in the Hamptons. It appeared that he had not been treated too well during his brief imprisonment because a recording appeared after his death in which Bracken admitted everything, information which I suspect was tortured out of him but am I sorry about his demise? No, I have to admit, I'm not. He was responsible for so many deaths and yet he only saw them as a necessary step on his climb up the political ladder. Even at the very end, he showed no remorse only regret that he'd failed to reach his ultimate political goal, the White House._

"_That's an incredible story, Captain Beckett. Was anyone charged with the Senator's murder?"_

_No. No-one. The mob tends to be pretty good at that, killing without leaving much in the way of evidence. It was quite unusual that Bracken's body even turned up but I suspect that was deliberate. I'm sure if they'd wanted to, he would simply have disappeared but I think they just wanted to make sure everyone knew what Bracken had been up to back in the day and send a message to anyone who might consider crossing them in the future._

"That's fantastic, mom! Thank you so much. Are you sure that's all okay to go in the article?"

Kate nodded. The story of Senator William H. Bracken's demise was a matter of public record as were his past crimes. There were parts of the story that Kate had not told, not lies as such but certainly omissions and she had always been fairly sure about how the mob had acquired the information but that was something she would never divulge to anyone to her dying day.

"Do you want to leave it there for today and start again tomorrow?" RJ asked.

Kate smiled at her son,

"Why, have you got a date this evening? You wouldn't happen to be calling at the Ryan household by any chance, would you?"

RJ opened his mouth to protest but soon closed it again as he realised that his mother was indeed a detective and would have had no trouble ascertaining the truth about his recent regular visits to her friend and colleague's house.

"Okay, you've got me. Yes, I'm taking Pippa to a movie tonight," he acknowledged reluctantly.

Pippa Ryan was the youngest of Kevin and Jenny's children and was a freshman at Columbia. She was small, blond and looked just like her mother did the first time Kate had met her at the precinct all those years ago when Kevin's co-workers had been under the misguided impression that his girlfriend did not in fact exist. The Ryans and the Castles were quietly delighted at the budding romance between the two and although Kate considered a little light teasing would be alright, she wasn't prepared to push it too far.

"Have a great time. Say hi to Pip for me and I'll see you tomorrow to carry on with the interview, okay?"

Kate was trying hard not to pry by asking if RJ was planning on being around for breakfast the next day but it seemed that he was not beyond a little teasing of his own,

"Yeah, but I'm not sure I'll be here very early. Not sure what we'll be doing in the morning," and with that he was almost out of the door,

"Or where we'll be doing it! Bye, mom!"

As the door closed, Kate just laughed and headed into the office to find her husband. After all that serious reminiscing, some Castle humour was definitely in order. She stood in the doorway, leaning up against the frame simply watching her husband for a few moments. In the past she had been known to call him out for his 'creepy' staring but these days she found herself doing it just as often and loving every minute of it. Now was no exception.

He was engrossed in his writing, leaning back in his chair, laptop on his knee and feet up on the desk. He had a slight frown on his face and fingers poised over the keys as he obviously was trying to consider just the right wording but the frown was enough for Kate to know it was time to interrupt,

"Hey, Castle."

At the sound of her voice, he looked up and the frown was instantly replaced by what could only be described as a rather dopey grin. Even after twenty three years of marriage, not a day went by when Richard Castle didn't wonder how on earth he had ever managed to deserve the love of Kate Beckett. Her hair was shorter now than when they'd got married although not as short as it was when they first met; that Beckett was all business. She still had her moments but overall she had certainly mellowed as the years had passed, not that he would ever dream of telling her so because he had a feeling that would instantly make a liar of him; she was, after all, still quite capable of kicking his ass. Maybe there were a few grey hairs appearing and the odd line around her eyes but her eyes – those gorgeous eyes – they still took his breath away and seemed to be doing just that at that very moment.

She was still standing there waiting for a response, the corners of her lips twitching into a smile,

"Cat got your tongue, Rick?"

He laughed,

"No, just left speechless by a beautiful vision filling the doorway."

"Come on, Casanova, time for a break. You've been at it all afternoon, if you haven't finished yet, you certainly need a rest."

Castle muttered to himself. She was right, as always. He hated these finishing touches and would often spend hours changing things only to change them right back and the longer he looked at it, the less productive he became.

"Okay, let's eat. How's the interview going? Is RJ still here?" he asked as he joined her in the kitchen.

Kate laughed,

"No, guess where he's off to tonight?"

"The Ryan's?" although he already knew the answer and was so happy that his son and Pippa Ryan seemed to be becoming far more than the close friends they'd been all their lives.

Kate just raised her eyebrow in response as they started to prepare their meal with well-practised precision.

"As for the interview, it's actually going really well. I had thought it would be hard but we've got through a lot today and I think we should finish tomorrow. Come on, let's get this done then after we've eaten, how about movie night as it's just the two of us?"

"You're on, Mrs Castle. But as it is just the two of us, I think it highly unlikely that we'll see the end of any film we start," he added with a familiar waggle of his eyebrows.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The next day it was almost lunchtime before RJ arrived back at the loft. Kate had hoped that he would be there earlier so that they could get on with the interview because they were all heading out for a family meal that evening, not only Kate and Rick but also RJ and Beth together with their respective partners and Alexis and husband, Marco, along with their two children, twelve year old Ami and Tommy, nine, who were planning to meet them at the restaurant.

"Have you eaten?" Kate asked as soon as RJ walked through the door, "I can make you an omelette, if you like. I've only just finished making your dad some brunch so there's already plenty of bacon and toast."

"Thanks, mom, but its okay. We ate earlier and, knowing where we're headed tonight, I'll probably not need to eat again for a week!"

The restaurant had a reputation for great food and very healthy portions and was by far their favourite place to eat in the city, except for Remy's, of course, which still held a very special place in Kate's heart for all the meals she and Rick had shared there before they were ever even an official couple.

"Is dad doing his re-writes again today?" RJ asked, stealing a piece of bacon in spite of his claim to have already eaten.

"Yeah, he's just in the shower at the moment but he'll be working all day again so we'll have some peace and quiet which is probably just as well because I rather think he may be the main topic of discussion today. Would I be right?"

Yesterday they had covered most of the major events of Kate's life story, in particular her early days, early career and the details of her mother's murder and all the related consequences but they had barely mentioned the other side to her life, that of celebrity wife and Kate knew for certain that if Castle was within earshot for that part of the story, it would take far too much time to complete the interview because he simply would not be able to resist constant comment.

RJ just laughed. He knew exactly what his dad was like.

"Let's get on with it then." he said.

"_So, Captain Beckett, if I could take you back to your career? You became the youngest woman to make detective, did you go straight to work in homicide?"_

_No, I spent a couple of years in Vice, which I have to say was not the best experience I've ever had, far too much seedy, undercover work for my taste but it had to be done and it was all part of the learning process. Once I transferred to homicide, though, that was where I found my niche. I began to get a reputation for liking the 'weird' ones but that was mainly because they were the cases that needed more effort, more thought. I suppose they were simply more of a challenge and that's what I thrived on the most, still do, come to that. Those type of cases even became known as 'Beckett flavoured' around the 12__th__ Precinct._

"_I believe you preferred to work without a partner at that stage?"_

_Yes, it wasn't particularly normal but I led my team which by then consisted of Javier Esposito and Kevin Ryan without a partner of my own until a certain writer found his way into my life._

"_We'll move on to your relationship with Richard Castle in a few moments but could you tell me how your career progressed after that?"_

_By all means. I worked as a detective for just over twenty years, most of that time in homicide. The powers that be had offered me a promotion to Captain a few times but that would have meant leaving the 12__th__ and as I'd spent my whole career there, I had no desire to leave simply to move up the ladder. That place is like my second home and the people who work there, well they're like family to me. Then, ten years ago, Captain Victoria Gates retired, they offered me the captaincy at the 12__th__ and I accepted. The time was right to leave the frontline, as it were, and take the desk job. It was a very tough ask to follow in the footsteps, not only of Captain Gates who had proved herself to be a wonderful leader and became a very firm friend over the years we knew each other after an admittedly rocky start, but also those of Roy Montgomery, her predecessor. I can't say that I've always found it as rewarding as being a detective; paperwork, management and dealing with the political side of the job was never really my thing, but I have been pleasantly surprised by just how much I've enjoyed the added responsibility. But, just as the time was right for me to finally accept the promotion, now the time is right for me to retire._

"_So, apart from your career in the NYPD, you also became a well-known person in your private life when you first of all became the inspiration for Nikki Heat, the book and film character, and then, later, married her creator, Richard Castle. How did that all come about?"_

Kate grinned at her son,

"I'm not too sure how much of that story is suitable for me to tell our offspring!"

"Just keep it PG and we'll be fine," he replied with a laugh.

_When I was a teenager, my mom loved to read. She said it served as a distraction from the difficult cases she had to deal with on a regular basis through her work and the books of Richard Castle were by far her favourites. I used to scoff at them, though. At the time, I was into Russian literature, Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky and Pushkin and just couldn't accept that anyone who considered themselves remotely intelligent could possibly read the likes of Richard Castle but mom would just smile in that knowing way of hers and tell me that I would understand in time, the value of having an escape valve._

_As usual, she was right. A few days after her death, I was just sitting on her bed, trying to feel somehow closer to her, when I spotted the latest Castle book on her bedside table. She was part way through it, a postcard marking her place. I picked it up and started to read, taking up where she'd left off, wanting to finish it for her, thinking how wrong it was that she would never know the ending; but it wasn't long before I went back to the beginning. I wanted to know the whole story. I sat there for hours and finished it in one sitting. From that day, I was hooked. Every new book that came out, there I was right at the front of the queue. I learned, just as my mom had, the hope, the encouragement you could get from books where good always triumphed and the bad guys were always caught and suitably punished, where justice prevailed._

_A few years later, I met Castle for the first time. I actually went to a book signing, stood in line for, oh it must have been two or three hours. Looking around that line, I realised that I was not a standard Richard Castle fan and I got the distinct impression that it was quite unlikely that many of the women in that line could even read a book, although that was probably a highly unfair generalisation. By the time I got to the front of the line and it was finally my turn, my powers of speech deserted me as I looked into piercing blue eyes. I did eventually manage to tell him my name but that was it and in no time at all he had signed my book and was moving on to the next person. The moment was gone._

_It was many years before I finally confessed to him about that first meeting and I know it still gnaws at him that he can't remember me but God knows how many book signings he's done over the years, realistically, there was no way on earth that he could remember one person from the many thousands but it still doesn't stop him from trying._

_Then there was the case which would completely change the course of my life. I guess I should be forever grateful that Harrison Tisdale chose to murder his sister and try to throw us off by staging that and two other murders to look as though they were committed by a deranged fan of Castle's books. I recognised the scenes for what they were immediately and decided that we needed to talk to the author. I caught up with him at the launch party for his latest book and, well, let's just say, my first impressions were not that great as he offered to sign my chest. No, to be fair, he didn't actually say that; he actually turned, pen poised, and asked me where I wanted it, but the implication was certainly perfectly clear._

_Our first interview back at the precinct did not go well and as far as I was concerned the guy was simply an arrogant jerk; an extremely good-looking arrogant jerk, admittedly and he seemed quite taken with me if the level of his flirting was anything to go by. Somehow he managed to wheedle his way into my investigation but I had to admit that, in spite of having to arrest him at one point for felony theft and obstruction of justice, he did help us to solve the case. At the end of it he had the audacity to ask me to dinner to 'debrief'. Maybe I was tempted just for a moment to accept but I turned him down saying that I really did not want to be one of his conquests. He was gracious and didn't push, just said that it was a pity because it could have been great and I had to tease him just a little by whispering in his ear that he had no idea and then turning and sauntering away with rather more swaying of the hips than I would usually employ at a crime scene! He obviously took my words to heart though, something I came to realise over time that he did a lot, because four years later, when we finally got together, he said that I'd been right, he really did have no idea._

_I thought that would be the end of our association but I was sadly mistaken, or at least that was how I felt at the time. He had killed off his leading character Derek Storm and was struggling to come up with a new idea but apparently working with me had sparked his creative juices. However, in order to research his new character he wanted to shadow me for a while. He contacted his buddy, the mayor, who contacted Roy Montgomery, my boss and everyone agreed that it would be excellent publicity for the NYPD, everyone except me, that is, I thought it was a lousy idea. How wrong I was! So began a partnership that would last at work for six years, with a couple of hiatuses along the way but has lasted for twenty eight years in all so far and, God willing, will continue for many more to come._

"Wow, did Kate Beckett just admit that she was wrong?" a voice interrupted.

Kate looked up to see Castle leaning against the kitchen counter. She had been so engrossed in the past that she had not heard him emerge from the study.

"Just how long have you been listening, Castle?" she asked in a tone that he may once have considered threatening but now realised was just an act.

"Long enough to know that you wanted me all along and there was I thinking my charms had failed miserably," he teased.

"Dream on, Castle, I said I considered it for a moment so I'd get you off my back, not because your supposed charms had me falling at your feet."

"So I'd get you on your back, was that?"

Well she'd really let herself in for that one, hadn't she?

"Get back to work, Castle, so we can carry on and get finished so we can actually go out tonight, okay?"

Castle put on his best puppy dog expression and whined,

"But I was enjoying listening to you saying how much you've always loved me!"

"Castle -," Kate's voice was beginning to get that exasperated tone which he knew meant that he was on the verge of going too far.

"Okay, I'm going. Have fun talking about me!" and with that, he returned to the study.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

After the interruption from his father, RJ returned to the interview.

"_So it's safe to say that your first impressions of Richard Castle were not wholly favourable. Later events would tell us that circumstances must have changed at some point, how did that come about?"_

_I think, at the 12__th,__ the betting pool on our relationship began shortly after that first case but for a long time everyone else seemed to be far more aware of the chemistry that existed between us than we were; or at least, than I was. I struggled to see beyond the facade, the public image, the two ex-wives and initially his whole demeanour seemed to confirm my opinion that he was a shallow playboy. However it didn't take too long for his true self to emerge. I think the first thing that made me sit up and take notice was his relationship with his daughter. Alexis was fourteen when we first met and I soon realised that she was an amazingly intelligent and mature girl and was clearly the apple of her father's eye. I knew that he had divorced her mother when Alexis was still very young and had, therefore, brought the girl up single-handed. I had assumed that he would have employed nannies along the way, after all, surely as a newly single, very wealthy young man, a little girl would have severely cramped his style but no, I soon learned that he never used the services of hired help and had indeed brought the girl up alone with just the occasional help from his mother. Once I saw that new side of him, a side he seemed willing to open up to me, I began to look at him in a new light._

_Of course, the nine year old on a sugar rush would continue to emerge, usually at the most inopportune moments but, nevertheless, he certainly had begun to grow on me and I discovered that his very presence lightened my spirit. I had a tough job, a job that I had always taken very seriously, maybe even too seriously, but having Castle around started to make it more fun and for the first time in many years, I found myself actually feeling happier and far more relaxed about life._

_But it was not all sweetness and light. We made mistakes, many of them. As I said earlier, he ignored my request not to look into my mom's murder and I kicked him out for that but a photo shoot and publicity event for the first Nikki Heat book brought him back to the precinct and when he apologised so very sincerely for disregarding my request, I allowed him to come back._

_We let other people get between us which of course did nothing for our relationship but was, looking back on it, also highly unfair on those involved. Whenever I felt myself getting too close to Castle, I ran away and hid in a safer option, a detective, a doctor, neither of whom I loved but they distracted me from my growing feelings for my partner. Castle would later accuse me, during a heated argument, of hiding in relationships with men I didn't love and he was quite right. I was safely keeping one foot out of the door but, as I later acknowledged, with one foot out the door, you tend not to know where you stand._

_The second summer we spent apart (it's strange how it always seemed to be the summer months when we messed up) was due to my fear and our miscommunication. He asked me to go to the Hamptons with him for Memorial Weekend. At first, I refused; I wasn't totally sure he was serious, if I'm honest. I had also recently started dating a detective in Robbery but, thanks to a certain amount of prompting from my friends, I had a brief moment of clarity, broke it off with my boyfriend and was all ready to accept Castle's invitation. However, just as I was about to pour my heart out to him, in strides ex-wife number two, Gina, his publisher. It appeared that he hadn't taken very long to get over my refusal and find himself another date. That event left me heartbroken and my friends at the precinct absolutely livid with him. He stayed away all summer and still had not called by the fall._

_Next time I saw him, I arrested him for murder._

_We found him standing over a dead body with a gun in his hand, in fact Ryan very nearly shot him; I think that was an accident but the boys were still pretty mad with him, so I can't be certain. He hadn't actually killed the woman, of course and it didn't take long for him to talk his way into the case, again. This time I made a bet with him. If he solved the case first, he could come back; if I solved it first, that would be it, our last case together. I may have cheated. I figured out what was going on first but kept quiet, I knew it wouldn't take him much longer to work it out, so I let him think he'd won the bet and the partnership continued. Even though he was still dating Gina and I'd started dating a surgeon, our relationship seemed to go up a notch or two after that._

_Then, of course, there was our first kiss. Well, as it was us, it couldn't be simple, could it? The boys, Ryan and Esposito had been captured by a killer we were searching for. Castle and I had found the building where they were being held but there was a guard stationed outside and we had no way of approaching undetected but Castle naturally came up with a 'stupid idea'. So it was that we played the part of a drunken couple taking a stroll along the road. We just needed to get close enough for me to take out the guard but he didn't seem to be buying our act. I was about to draw my weapon when Castle stopped me by grabbing hold of my hand. Before I knew what was happening, his other hand was round the back of my neck and he had pulled me in for a scorching kiss._

_I pulled away initially, totally confused by, not so much his actions but by my reaction to the kiss. For a moment my heart seemed to stop beating and I completely forgot how to breathe. Then instinct took over and I was the one to initiate the second kiss; this one way more passionate than the first. Fortunately, I hadn't totally forgotten why we were even in that position in the first place and managed to keep one eye on the guard who seemed to be more amused and, I have to say, now utterly convinced by our performance, which is hardly surprising because I can assure you, neither of us were acting by then. Once curiosity had brought him within range, I took him out with a single blow but it took us both a few moments to recover from what had just happened, and I don't mean with the guard, and get on with our job of rescuing the boys._

_It was months before we spoke about that night again by which time we had also nearly frozen to death in each others' arms and had been standing together at ground zero when the timer of a dirty bomb ran out. But we never spoke about those events either until Castle ran out of patience with my constant obsession with my mom's murder and threw it all in my face. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame him for a second; I totally deserved everything he said to me that night. Then my obsession got me shot._

_As I lay in Castle's arms on the luscious green grass of that cemetery, the final words I heard before I passed out were,_

"_I love you. I love you, Kate."_

_When I came round in the hospital and was finally allowed visitors, it was no surprise that Castle was one of the first people to come but I just could not handle it. The man who I knew, even then, was the love of my life had told me that he loved me. What did I do? I sent him away, said I'd call and then hid from everyone, including him, for three months. I was trying to heal, to recover both physically and mentally but I was so stupid to attempt it alone._

_Eventually I returned to work, met up with Castle, who was justifiably angry with me, and tried to explain what was going on in my head as best I could without, of course, giving too much away. I told him about the wall I'd built inside to protect my heart from ever again suffering the agony of loss caused by my mom's death and that, as I saw it, the only way to remove said wall, would be to find the person responsible. How wrong I was. As it turned out, the only thing needed to completely obliterate that wall was the selfless love of a wonderful man._

_It took many more months and no small amount of risk, fear and heartache before I finally understood. Months during which we were both keeping secrets from each other, secrets that, when they eventually emerged, almost destroyed our relationship before it had a chance to begin. I had told him in the hospital that I couldn't remember anything about the shooting but that was a lie, of course; I remembered everything about it until the moment I passed out. I repeated the lie every time the subject cropped up until one day, unbeknownst to me, Castle was in the observation room when I was interviewing a suspect about a bombing in which five people had died. The case was high profile and the atmosphere in the precinct was highly charged. We were all desperate to find the person responsible and this guy looked good for it. He was trying to tell me that he had some form of amnesia caused by the trauma of the event but I wasn't buying that one and I told him that I'd been shot in the chest and remembered every second of it._

_Castle didn't challenge me on it. He just, somehow leapt to the conclusion that it meant I was embarrassed by his confession and didn't feel the same; that I'd been stringing him along all those months. He didn't walk away; he still came to the precinct every day but he pulled away from me emotionally and it was torturing me because I had absolutely no idea why._

_A few weeks later, during a case involving zombies (don't ask!), I managed to convey to him that I was working through my problems and that the wall was almost down. He seemed to get the message and we were good again. Until mom's case reared its head yet again and in the course of an argument that threatened to tear us apart again, Castle confessed to me that he had information regarding the case and had been told to keep me away from it in order to keep me safe. I wouldn't back down and he wasn't prepared to watch me get myself killed so he walked away._

_It took another brush with death for me to suddenly see the light and realise what was most important in my life and it wasn't solving my mom's case after all. It was Richard Castle._

_I'll never forget the night I turned up at his door, soaked to the skin, begging for his forgiveness. At first he was angry when he saw me, then concerned as I told him that I'd almost died, again. Finally, almost as though a switch had been flicked, there was love and passion. That night, the night of Alexis's graduation from high school, as it happened, was the first night of the rest of our lives, the night we became more than friends, more than partners, more than just lovers even. We became us._

RJ had remained silent while Kate was speaking. He had known parts of their early story but this was the first time he had heard it in its entirety and certainly the first time he had heard any of it from his mother and the way she told the story, well it left him speechless; not so much the words she used, but more by the expression on her face as she recalled these past events that had made such a massive impact on her life. He had always known that his parents had a special bond, a very rare chemistry that he had never seen in any of his friends' parents but it was only now that he began to really appreciate just how remarkable their relationship was and how lucky he and Beth were to have their example to follow. There was more of the story to come but he thought this might be an appropriate time for a short break and put this to Kate,

"Are you okay, mom? Do you want to just take five? Have a few minutes to yourself?"

Kate looked at her son and realised that she had tears in her eyes. Talking about those early years of their relationship had been a lot harder than she had thought it would be. Had she concentrated too much on the negative aspects, she wondered? Most of the time spent with Castle, working cases in those first few years had been great fun and he'd brought that into her life. He had changed her and she had become the woman she always thought that she was meant to be before the death of her mother had altered not only the course of her life but her whole personality. Richard Castle put her back on the right track and for that she would be forever in his debt.

"No, I'm fine. We'd better keep going if we want to get this finished before we head out tonight."

She took a deep breath, composed herself and prepared to continue.


	8. Chapter 8

**Happy Castle 100****th****, everyone! Sadly, I'll have to wait until the episode is available on iTunes here in the UK but hopefully that won't take too long this week.**

**Thank you so much to everyone who's following this story. Here's the penultimate chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Castle is most definitely not mine but many congratulations to all the cast, crew, creators, writers and everyone else involved in bringing us 100 amazing episodes. Here's to the next 100!**

Chapter 8

"_After four years working side by side you finally changed the status of your relationship, how did the publicity that must have prompted impact on your life? You were and, to a certain extent, still are a very private person; it must have been a difficult adjustment to make."_

_We did actually manage to keep our relationship to ourselves for a while although evidently not quite as well as we thought. Martha found out that very first morning. She'd arrived home unexpectedly with Alexis and, although we didn't know it at the time, had spotted me hiding in the closet! Please don't ask anymore about that! Castle also told his daughter just before she headed off to Columbia. I had been a little concerned about Alexis's reaction; she and her dad had always been so close and I knew that she felt I'd hurt him by my actions rather too many times but I really wanted her to be happy about our relationship. As it happened, I had no cause for concern. Once she saw that I was really in for the long haul, she was happy for us and since Castle and I have been together I've always thought of her as my own daughter._

_I told my dad early on which was no problem because he'd always liked Rick and appreciated just how good he was for me. We were, of course, both children with only one parent and I would like to think that Martha and my dad managed to fill a small part of the gap left in each of our lives._

_As for other people, well at the precinct, Kevin Ryan was the first person to find out, or at least that's what we thought until we discovered that Victoria Gates had actually known from day one. Javier Esposito and Lanie Parrish found out soon afterwards during a terrible case when Castle had been totally set-up to take the blame for a murder by a killer known as 3XK, or The Triple Killer. It had been our intention to keep our relationship from Captain Gates for as long as possible because NYPD regulations prohibit relationships between co-workers. However when she finally let on that she had known all along, she said that she had always made it perfectly clear that Castle was not a member of NYPD and therefore was classed as a civilian, not a co-worker. Basically she let us off the hook and for that we are eternally grateful._

_We couldn't hope to keep our relationship out of the press for ever and eventually a photographer caught us making out in public and the proverbial hit the fan. We managed to keep the press off my back at work after several threatening letters from Paula Haas, Castle's publicist and also from his buddy, the mayor but the price was my attendance at all publicity events from book launches to film premieres. In those early days we also agreed to do a good number of press, radio and television interviews and by playing ball, giving them a certain amount of what they were after, it helped us in the long run. Nowadays, well, damn it, the parties are fun. _

_I don't think Paula liked me very much to start with. She had spent years building Castle's playboy, bachelor around town image, an image that he'd been very happy to live up to. That was until I came on the scene and he realised that he wanted more than just my friendship. Then he began to rebel against Paula's well-laid plans. As it turned out, she needn't have worried. It appeared that the public are romantics at heart and the story of the playboy author who fell in love with his muse (God, how I used to hate that word!) came to sell far more books than his previous image had ever managed._

"_I believe that one thing neither of you have ever disclosed to the press was how he finally proposed. Are you willing to do so now?"_

Kate had to laugh at that question. She knew that her son was very well aware of the circumstances and that the story lay in the fact that there wasn't really a story to tell. Unusually for Richard Castle, it had actually been a very low-key event.

_Oh, I think the world would be very surprised how that happened. I had come to believe that it was unlikely that Castle would ever be prepared to marry again. He had two failed marriages under his belt and I knew that there was a large part of him that was petrified of a third failure. However, I have been known to be stubborn on occasion; I had told him very soon after we met that I was a 'one and done' type of girl and once we were finally together, it had taken me no time at all to be certain that Richard Castle was my 'one and done'. I was ready and I wanted the whole nine yards, marriage, home, family. I just had to figure out how to get Castle on the same path._

_In the end, it was actually a comment from his first wife that gave me the clue I needed to solve the problem. I think Meredith was probably trying to put a spanner in the works of our fledgling relationship when she told me her thoughts as to why their marriage had failed. She said that although he knew everything about her, the things that she knew about him would barely fill a pamphlet; and the more I thought about that, the more I realised that to a certain extent that was true of us as well. He had spent four years learning every tiny detail of what made Kate Beckett tick and yet, although I was sure that I knew a great deal more about him than Meredith probably ever did – he had told me a lot over the years – he had a wall of his very own and before I could ever hope for the happy-ever-after I was looking for, it was my turn to try my hand at demolition. I only hoped it wouldn't take me another four years!_

_As it happened, it barely took me four months! As I say, I can be very stubborn, rarely take no for an answer and, for God's sake, I'm a detective and expert interrogator. I'm not prepared to go into the details because that is his story not mine and as far as I'm concerned it will remain between the two of us but I was right and once that wall fell, his proposal followed very quickly._

_Years earlier, when Kevin Ryan was seeking advice on how he should propose to Jenny, Castle had come up with all sorts of spectacular ideas but I had said that what a girl really wants is something intimate. As always, he was listening, taking note and filing the information away because we'd just finished up a really tough case and were having our first evening together in a couple of weeks. We were at my place and had ordered a pizza. Once we'd eaten and just as I thought we were settling down to watch The Princess Bride for the thousandth time, he suddenly dashed to the bedroom. I could hear him frantically searching through drawers, muttering to himself, rather loudly I might add and then before I knew it, he was back, kneeling in front of me and taking hold of my hands. He looked me straight in the eye and just asked, "Kate Beckett, will you marry me?" Obviously I said yes. That was it; nothing spectacular, nothing ostentatious, simply intimate._

"_You married shortly after in the Hamptons, I believe?"_

_That's right. It hardly seemed worth having a long engagement, we'd wasted enough time already; so three months later we married on the beach in the Hamptons. It was a wedding much like the proposal, intimate but oh so meaningful, in front of a handful of our closest friends and relatives. Then we spent an amazing two weeks in Italy on our honeymoon and in no time at all we were back at work._

"_Castle carried on working with you at the precinct after your marriage. How long did that continue?"_

_We worked together until our son was born less than a year later. Just as we saw no point in a long engagement, there was also no reason to delay starting the family we both wanted; in fact as neither of us was getting any younger, time was of the essence. After our son, Ryan James, was born, once my maternity leave was over, I headed back to the 12__th__ while Castle stayed at home to look after the baby. Maybe it was a strange role-reversal but when it came down to it, he had more experience than I did as far as bringing up a child was concerned._

"_Was it an easy decision for you to return to work?"_

_No, it wasn't. We talked about it from the moment I discovered I was pregnant and the decision was only really finalised when my leave was due to end. My job had been my life for a very long time. It had been the dominant force until Castle appeared on the scene and my priorities changed somewhat. However, I still loved my job and was unsure who I could be without it. On the other hand, life as a cop has its risks. I'd lost my mother to a violent death; in my line of work, the chances of that happening to me, the chances of depriving our son of his mother were so much greater. In the end it was Castle who finally convinced me that I could just as easily be killed in a car accident and that the precautions we always took were sufficient to keep me as safe as was feasibly possible._

"_It can't have been easy continuing to work as a cop during pregnancy. You must have found that a tricky balancing act, doing your job and at the same time keeping yourself and your unborn child safe."_

RJ was suddenly aware of a tensing of his mother's position on the couch. She had been so relaxed throughout their interview and yet now it was blatantly obvious something had changed but he had absolutely no idea what it could be. Kate had never been very good at hiding her emotions from those who knew her best and it was clear to him that, at the moment, a serious debate was going on in her head. It did not go on for too long, though, as she slowly raised her head, looked him directly in the eye, took a deep breath and spoke in a quiet, controlled voice,

"Go get your sister, there's something you should both know about."

He was about to speak but one glance at Kate's expression told him just to do as she asked and save the questions until later. He went up the stairs to find Beth.

**Ooohh! What's going on? Final chapter will be up tomorrow, I promise.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Well here's the final chapter of my tale. Thanks to all of you who have followed, favourited and reviewed.**

**What a fantastic Castle day yesterday was! Stana live on GMA & Live with Kelly & Michael and then the 100****th**** episode and what an episode it was!**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy.**

Chapter 9

When RJ and Beth came back downstairs, they discovered both their parents sitting on the couch, waiting for them. Whatever this was about, Kate had found it necessary to bring her husband in for support and he was now sitting very close to her, one arm around her shoulders and the other hand with a tight grip on hers. Kate looked up,

"Have a seat, both of you."

As the youngest Castles sat in the other two chairs, Rick quietly asked Kate,

"Are you sure about this?"

But Kate had made her decision.

"They should know. In fact we should probably have told them years ago."

Beth and RJ just looked at each other and then across at their parents. Whatever was going on, they wished someone would get on and tell them, the suspense was almost overwhelming.

"What I'm going to tell you is off the record. This does not appear in your article, okay?"

"That's fine, mom. This is off the record."

"Just over a year after you were born, RJ, I discovered I was pregnant again."

Beth gasped, this was obviously a story that did not end well and she immediately felt tears forming in her eyes,

"Mom?"

"Sshh, Beth, its okay, just hear me out. We were delighted. My first pregnancy had gone so smoothly, no morning sickness, no problems at all in fact and I couldn't wait to go through it again. We held off from telling anyone apart from immediate family and closest friends but planned to make an official announcement once I was into the second trimester. We never got to make that announcement."

Kate took a deep breath before continuing and Rick squeezed her hand, giving her the extra strength she needed to carry on, even though his eyes were also suspiciously moist.

"We'd been working on a case for a couple of days and we needed to go back and talk to a guy we'd interviewed earlier. He was a witness and we thought that, because he was scared, he hadn't told us everything he knew. Ryan and Esposito were already out checking another lead so I went alone. The guy worked in the kitchens at the Widmark Hotel but when he saw me, he panicked and ran. I had absolutely no idea, until that moment, that he was actually the perpetrator and not merely a witness. I chased after him, yelling to the other staff to call 911. I caught up with him okay but I didn't see the kitchen knife until it was too late. As we struggled, he stabbed me in the stomach."

Her son and daughter just gazed at her, both of them with tears flowing freely down their cheeks. They had seen their mother's scars, the gunshot wounds, the surgery scars, the stab marks and had heard the stories behind them. They had even seen that particular scar but had only ever been told that she'd been stabbed whilst making an arrest. Now they were hearing the full story and it was heartbreaking.

Kate continued,

"I managed to get my cuffs on him before the pain really hit home and when I saw just where he'd got me, I completely broke down. Paramedics were on the scene quickly and they managed to stem the worst of the blood loss but the damage, as it turned out, had already been done. The knife had pierced my uterus and by the time they got me into surgery, our baby was already dead. I'd been pregnant for just fifteen weeks."

It had been a very long time since Kate had talked about this to anyone except Rick. Even after all these years, it still hurt thinking about the child they had made together and yet never got to meet. Beth flung herself into her mother's arms,

"Oh, mom, why did you never tell us about this? Why did you two feel you had to go through it alone?"

Once Kate had extracted herself from her daughter's fierce hug and indicated for her to sit next to her on the couch, she tried to explain.

"It was something we always meant to tell you but somehow the time never seemed to be right. Anyway, that wasn't the end of the problems. Once I was in recovery after the surgery, the doctors told me that it was unlikely that I would ever be able to have any more children but we clung on to the lifeline of that word 'unlikely'. They hadn't said that I wouldn't be able to have more children, just that it was unlikely. You know how stubborn I can be when I put my mind to it and this was a battle I was not prepared to lose. Their concern was that, although there was nothing to prevent me conceiving a child, carrying to full term would be the problem."

RJ had been very quiet while Kate told the tragic tale of their lost sibling although he had moved from his chair to kneel behind the couch, hugging his mother from behind,

"Obviously your faith was justified," he said, looking pointedly at his sister, "But I can't help but think you probably fought the doctors long and hard."

Kate smiled,

"Yeah, you're right on both counts. I worked damned hard to get myself as fit as I possibly could although, of course that couldn't really help the internal injury, my fitness did help my body's ability to heal itself. After two hard years, they finally gave us the go ahead to try for another child but they kept emphasizing the risks that we would be facing, the risks both to the baby's health and to mine. Once we got the news that I was indeed pregnant again, that was when I decided that it was time to follow the doctor's instructions to the letter because I wasn't willing to allow my stubbornness to risk the baby's health. We went straight away to see Captain Gates and asked for permission to take a twelve month leave of absence, a request that she was very happy to grant. As I said earlier, the risks would increase as the pregnancy progressed so we spent the first three months travelling. Your dad had been due to do several promotional visits abroad for the latest Nikki Heat book so I took the opportunity to go with him for once. By the time we returned home, it was time for me to start taking things easy. From the six month point onwards, I was virtually on permanent bed rest. God, I was so bored but knew it was all absolutely necessary to get the final outcome we were both longing for. I was being constantly monitored and by the time I reached thirty five weeks, the medical staff decided it was too risky to try to reach full term and so they took me in for a C-section. And what do you know; we had a perfectly healthy baby girl."

She smiled down at Beth, who was now sitting on the floor with her head on her mother's knee.

"Wow, mom, I can't believe you went through all that, just to have me!"

"And I don't regret one second of it. Trust me, Beth, you are worth it."

For the first time, Castle spoke,

"Would you two excuse us for a moment?" and with that he took Kate by the hand and led her into the study, leaving RJ and Beth to try to process everything they'd been told in the last few minutes. They both knew that their mother was a tough, no-nonsense cop but until now they had never really appreciated just how tough she was as a person. The other thing they had learned during this was the depth of the love their parents had not only for them but also for each other. They had both glanced across to their father many times while Kate had been talking and the changing expressions on his face told them all they ever needed to know about the depth of his love for his wife, still as strong as ever after all these years.

Ten minutes later, Rick and Kate returned, hand in hand.

"Look, guys, we've just been having a chat about what your mom said at the beginning about this all being off the record," he looked down at Kate for a final confirmation before he continued and received an affirming nod in return,

"Well, RJ, if you want to use it in your article, you can do as far as we're concerned but, Beth, it has to be okay with you as well. I've always wanted the world to see the amazing woman that I see when I look at your mother and this may be a difficult part of the story to tell but in the end it's a tale of triumph over adversity and as far as I'm concerned it simply sums up the woman that is Kate Castle, my wife, your mother."

Kate blushed, listening to her husband's loving words but soon gathered her thoughts and returned to more practical matters,

"If we're planning on keeping our dinner reservation tonight, it might be as well if we move past all this drama of days long gone and actually get ourselves ready to go out. Come on, move, don't just sit there!"

With that, she dragged her husband back towards their room with a final glance over her shoulder at her children, who still hadn't stirred,

"I said move it, you two!"

Later that night, after a very happy and cheerful family meal, Kate and Rick were lying in bed, discussing the interview and subsequent revelations.

"Are you sure you're okay with all that coming out?" Rick asked because, as ever, he needed to be absolutely certain that Kate was happy with the decision.

"Yes, Rick, I'm fine. I wasn't sure about this article in the beginning but I trust RJ completely. I know he'll do a great job and I also know that he'll take anything out of it that I'm not happy with. As for all that about the stabbing, they needed to know and now that they do, there's absolutely no reason why it shouldn't be public knowledge. I'll be retired soon, now and so will you. Once this article is out there, telling the story of our lives together, we can just disappear into the sunset of our retirement and leave the rest of the world to their own devices. God, Richard Castle, I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

Castle smiled that smile that always made the butterflies flit about in her stomach,

"Always, Kate Beckett, always."

**That's it, folks! I have written another story, just a one-shot this time, which I'll post in a couple of days.**

**Thanks for all the support.**


End file.
